Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my life. I feel like I’ve been caught between two worlds: the one I’m currently in, and the one where change is waiting to happen. I’ve been struggling with the feeling of “now I have to set myself up for the next 20 years.” At times, it’s felt overwhelming—especially when you feel younger than you actually are.
Growing up, I used to worry about the next milestone. I would think: How am I going to pass that exam? How will I manage to read a full book in English? How will I make friends at university? How will I be able to work in English all day?
In hindsight, I realize that although I always saw the mountain, I always managed to climb it. Thanks, Mum, for giving me the tools to always overcome fear. So now that I’m back to making important decisions that will shape my foreseeable future, I try to remember the little Brenda in me—and trust that it will all be fine. I keep reminding myself that the fears and worries come because I’m seeing those next steps through the eyes of who I am right now, not who I’ll become. By the time those milestones arrive, I’ll have more emotional intelligence, more experience, more knowledge. I’ll be more mature. I’ll outgrow things.
I guess the hardest part about making important decisions is knowing that, in the end, you always lose something. Some decisions are easy because you know what you’re leaving behind no longer serves you. Other times, it’s more difficult—and you just need to be courageous. You know what they say: the best adventures are lived outside of your comfort zone. And yes, maybe you’ll make mistakes. Maybe you’ll realize something wasn’t for you. But I’ve learned that that’s okay. You just change direction. Nothing is set in stone. Nothing is forever.
Okay, maybe having kids—so think seven times before making that decision! Otherwise, let’s just see life as a beautiful adventure.
I’m excited, though. What’s coming—although scary—is what I truly want in life. I just need to keep reminding myself that I’m not destroying what I’ve built so far. I’ll simply build on top of it and make my life even fuller.
So if you’re like me—a little fearful at heart—know that you’re not alone. And remember: you will be fine. You’re more resilient than you think. Go through the (e)motions—it’s all part of life.
At least, that’s what I try to remember.
PS: Happy me! 33 and counting!
With love,
Brenda
Life with Brenda 